I took a quick look at the seedy underbelly of internet marketeering and now I feel icky

One of the embarrassments of modern culture is the way that the websites of mainstream news franchises are framed in the worst sort of monetizing web-vomit, full-surround adver-frames, auto-playing videos with hard-to-find mute buttons, and pop-up rollovers.  Much of it the worst sort of "astronaut mom discovered this weird trick to enhance cheekbones" sort of hack snake oil.  Sometimes they even advertise group-ons though thankfully that whole business seems to be on the wane.

So I was reading a stupid crime story on CBS MN Local and noticed a new low.  Two columns: the left-hand column reads "we recommend" and has a list of other stories on the CBS news site.  The right-hand column, headed in the same font in the same color followed by a list of links in the same font in the same color says "more from around the web".  So I look more closely at this thing because the links from "around the web" look a little fishy. The only designation is a little bitty bracketed link that says [what's this].  What "this" is is Outbrain, which professes to be in the business of "helping readers discover interesting content".  However what would seem to me to be the more relevant statement is "We do our best to ensure that all of the content links recommended to you lead to interesting content. Content that links off of this site was paid for by an Outbrain customer"  (emphasis added, duh). In other words Outbrain takes money to steer you towards destinations on the web, one can safely assume because the people paying the money expect your traffic to generate more revenue in the end.  The proper word for this is "advertising" and for CBS to place this on its sites without calling it an ad is really a new depth.


So I check out all the links and what do you know, they are a bunch of festering garbage.  Let me tell you about a few places "around the web" to avoid.  I'm not linking anything because seriously, all these sites and everyone responsible for them should just eat a big piece of dirt.


Cafe Mom: If your mom is a vile, gossip-mongering harlot you will feel right at home here.  The article linked is straight up exploiting a tale laden with agonizing tragedy from the Aurora theater shooting to hawk ads for American Girl, cell phones, condoms (not making this up) and lots and lots more sponsored content links.  Behold, Coproboros, the mighty serpent which encircles the web and grasps its own tail in its mouth, also it is made of poop.  Welcome to the life of a freelancer in the 21st century I guess.  I was going to shame the article's actual author then I decided to forget her name and everything else about this crummy little linkbait doom sausage.


nickmom is apparently a product of Nickelodeon.  What in the hell Nickelodeon.  This is a link to a relatively innocuous "funny photo with droll caption" page.  It appears that pretty much the only product on this page is... lots and lots of sponsored links.  Plus a hellbroth of other Viacom content.  I have been on worse funny photo pages.  Much worse.  But it is still kind of a piece of crap.  I'm sorry to be bringing up excrement so much but there isn't really any alternative, short of not describing these pages at all.  Which I'm starting to think was probably my wise play.  TOO LATE ONWARD.


On our next link, Snag Films, it appears that the documentary The Eyes of Tammy Faye has been playing (my headphones are plugged in but not in my ears) for the last 45 minutes.  Snag Films actually seems like basically the most honest link in the bunch.  They have a couple of perfectly normal Rosetta Stone ads, another video ad for the same company runs before the movie, they have a seemingly bottomless supply of mostly old, odd and/or indie documentary type free videos.  This seems like an honest business model.  The fourth time I hear the same Rosetta Stone ad interrup the video however (I'm listening to From A to Zeppelin in the background while writing this) I'm real sick of it.  Going to need to find a second sponsor soon Snag Films!


Madame Noire is a magazine, I guess.  It is run by something called Moguldom Media Group, the sort of modern business where googling turns up a LinkedIn Profile and a Facebook page and no website.  The article is a "where are they now" bit about actors where you'll have to click through eight links to see all the content.  It turns up those horrible "flat belly" ads with the crude, weird illustrations and has video ads that keep turning themselves back on, with sound.  Ads, more ads, and... tons of Sponsored Links!  This stuff is in like serious pyramid scheme territory.


But the last two are the real gems, a pair of (as far as I can tell) completely unrelated but basically identical pieces of what I'll call Economic Doomsday Porn.  It turns out the sky is falling.  And you can just smell that you're going to get a unique opportunity to buy numismatic gold coins (to protect you from government gold seizure, don't you know).  "Click here to learn how some of the foremost experts in the world recommend you position yourself for the uncertain time ahead."  Wanna hear the small print?  "Nothing published by Money Morning should be considered personalized investment advice."  Truer words, kids.  Newsmax World's article seems to be hawking a book, and though the article is dated July 7, 2012 I swear I have been stumbling over this exact think for years.  Predictably the Newsmax site is heavily garlanded with a variety of advertisements brought to you by being an old white guy and general conservative hysteria.  It also has Sponsored Links from, you guessed it, "Around the Web".  Different "around the web" though, several degrees of class below Outbrain.  Representative example: "Wife Finds Her Husbands Cure for ED."  Is it... sponsored links?